Being a creative is a curse
It's a plague it's a parasite
It's like a face hugger sliding it's slimy tail tighter and tighter around your throat making sure to plant its seed deep enough into your body that it becomes so apart of you that there's nothing else to you
For a creative the desire to create is a need not want
You have no choice
Time and time you let it take control
For a short time early on you think maybe this is it
And you sacrifice everything. Money you never had and love you continue to let go of because
Maybe I can make something outta this
I have something special, I have something nobody has done before but the you realize it's just a twist on a path somebody has already paved. One that somebody had already walked there is no uncharted territory.
You decide to spend the next few years trying to perfect that path and try to stand out but you see that the market is so over satirized that a nihilist is born. WHAT IS THE POINT!
Soon you're told to grow up, a kind way of saying give up.
You get a "real job" and it works for bit but then something inside you, is clawing it's way out. It sickens you, trying so hard to burst out again.
It will always be a part of you it will always be there. You can't subdue it. A creative is only happy when creating but it's a temporary happiness. There is a reason so many creatives, musicians, artists, writers are plagued with anxiety depression self doubt.
It's like the whole world sees in black and white and you can see every shade of grey!
And every now and then you see that ONE spec of color and it's beautiful. And then the nihilist tramples it.
And you can't stop it. You can't. You can hide it for a bit but everything has a melody, everything has a rhyme.
Even the ridiculous rhetoric your mind designs wreaks of poetic aspirations that you can't stop. It's lyrical musical and all together unbelievable that I can't stop it.
Everyone loves a creative until you fall in love with one, that's when you finally see the weakness. That's when you see the psychosis. That's when you realize how deep the need goes. It's like a heroin addict needing a fix. Like an alcoholic that's only fun when drunk this is what asking a creative to settle down is like. And don't get me started on the paralyzing fear of being on display. You become so horrifyingly introverted that you go on a stage and show off your creation because it's the only thing you're proud of. Do you see the irony. That we so badly want to not be in the lime light that we force ourselves into the limelight to say "hey look at this instead of me, listen to this instead of me." Yes it's backwards logic but it's that backwardsness I want you to see. Cause on stage you don't see the real me you see the me I want you to see which is really a representation of you...or at least what I think you wish you could be. Really I'm just a guy, a guy with a severe addiction to creation. I'm not asking for help, there is no help only silent contemplation. I hope you enjoyed the presentation to the dark side of creation.

#justbegun #neverdone